Immortality

There are many things in this world

That keep you tethered to it

That keep you sane

Sane as you can be

Whole as you can be

Which is not very whole at all

But you exist

It’s enough

For now

Temporarily

But thats ok, you are temporary too

And so

it’s not a suicide note

Not really

But it’s also not not a suicide note

These things exist

Even when you don’t want to die

Which is never

It’s like an itch

At the back of your neck

Annoying but not all consuming

Until you scratch so hard you hit your spine

Till you untangle all your nerves

Paralyse yourself

Would that hurt less?

Perhaps there is a way

To exist in a way that hurts less

But

It will increase a different type of pain

A suffering that is more eternal

More internal

Same thing

There is a boat at the edge of the world

It won’t fall off

Not till you push it

You won’t

But

You can’t pull it back to safety

The risk is always there

You are the boat

You will always exist on the edge of it

The wind lives in the sails

It screams with joy

Howls in pain

Screeches in agony

It will never shut up

Nothing will

It will drown you

Faster than the ocean below

That contains horrors far worse than you can imagine

There is only so much of you that can stay afloat

The anchor is part of you

Keep it down

Let it suffer

For the rest of you

To stay where you are

Is it a price you are willing to pay?

It doesn’t matter

You have to pay it

There is no choice

The tax of living is not one you can afford

And yet

It is deducted from you regardless

The boat will stay

So will you

It’s not a suicide note

Maybe it should be

But it’s not

There isn’t a reason

Not yet

Not really

Not one you can justify

But

Wouldn’t it be poetic?

If it was

- C.