Evenings

You wander into a cave you haven’t been to before. It’s familiar. It’s unusual. You’re not too sure which one is stronger. But. You’re not alone. This too, isn’t necessarily a good nor bad thing.

You walk and your feet leave marks on the hard ground. It looks unnatural. It looks like it’s been molded around you. Don’t look back. Whatever you do. Don’t look back. There are another set of footprints with yours. They look human. They look too human to be real. No imperfections. It’s what you could have been. What you could be. They look like they belong on the granite that shouldn’t have marks on it. They look like part of the cave.

There’s no light in the cave but you can still see. Just enough. Just enough to see where you’re going. Where you have to go. Follow the illuminated path. Don’t stray from it. There are many things in this cave with you. Remember, you’re not alone. You’re never alone. No matter what the whispers may say. The light shows you no more than you’re allowed to see. No more than you can comprehend. This isn’t a place where forgiveness exists.

Walk slowly. Don’t startle anything. You are not prepared to protect yourself. Not yet at least. Walk slowly. Don’t startle anything. Most importantly, don’t startle yourself. You don’t know how you will react. You don’t know how the cave will react. Walk slowly. Walk with purpose. You know what you came here for. You can’t turn back. There’s nothing behind you. Not anymore. There’s nothing waiting for you. Not till you get what you came for. Not till you fulfil what you set out to do.

Do you remember what you came here for? Hold onto it. Don’t let it go. Keep it in your heart. Your hand. Your head. Repeat it. Over and over. Till it’s the only thing you breathe. Till it’s the only thing you hear. You can’t sway. You can’t be swayed. The light is getting dimmer. The path is getting thinner. Do not falter.

Do not falter.

This is not a place for mistakes. Not a place for forgiveness. Not a place for humans. Not a place for you. Not a place at all.

But you are here.

You chose to be here.

You are here. On purpose. You can’t do anything about it. Not anymore. You never could. You’ve known this for a long time now. It’s a truth that’s lived within you for a long time. You were always set to walk this path. That’s why this cave is familiar. You’ve seen it before. You’ve lived it before. You haven’t lived it yet. You’re living it now. You will. There is no other choice.

You are here for answers. Do you remember your question? Keep it close to you. Remember it. Always. It is the only thing that will let you return to your world. Should it still exist when you are done. When your quest is complete. When you have been sated. When the cave has been sated. You can return.

You agreed to this. Do not panic. You cannot. Not here. You don’t know what will happen if you do. It will not be good. You know that much. It’s getting harder to breathe. You’re in too deep. Do not panic. The cave will guide you. Hold your breath. What’s left of it. Then. Let it go. You don’t need it anymore. Not here.

Don’t put your hand on your chest. Don’t try and feel for a pulse. You will not find one. You don’t need to breathe. Why would you need a heart? The cave needs payment. And it hasn’t tasted a human in so long. Don’t worry. You’re still alive. You’re still you. For now.

You’re almost there. You can make it. You can find what it is you seek. Do you remember? You must remember. You have no choice. If you want to leave again. Remember. Keep it with you. Keep it in every step you take.

You are not alone. Remember this too. There are footprints in front of you. They are the same shape as your own. The same size too. Don’t think too much about it. There are footsteps behind you as well. Yours. And others. They all look alike. All look identical. Don’t look back. Don’t look down.

Don’t look down. You don’t know what there is. You don’t need to. You can feel the floor under your feet. Cold and unforgiving. If you look down. It won’t be there. Things here do not exist for you to see. They do not exist when you see them. None of it is real. Neither are you.

What was it you were doing again? Keep walking. Don’t look down. Don’t look back. Don’t breathe. Don’t look up either. No matter how much it feels like something is watching you. Don’t look up. Even when it feels like there is something breathing just above you. Don’t disturb it. It doesn’t like being disturbed.

You are a guest here. Do not disturb the hosts. Keep walking. Do your feet hurt? Are you tired? You’ve been walking for a long time now. You’ve walked for so long you’ve stopped breathing. But don’t worry. You’re almost there. Keep going. Don’t stop for anything. You can’t disturb the residents. You don’t belong here. They know that. So do you. Walk with confidence. Walk with purpose.

Keep the purpose in every step you take. Remember. You are here for a reason. What is your reason? Keep it with you. You’re almost there. You can make it. You’ve been here before haven’t you?

The light is getting brighter again. You can see some of the walls now. Don’t touch them. They’re not made for humans. They’re not made for you. But. They look familiar don’t they? Have you seen them before?

Keep walking. You’re almost there. One foot in front of the other. You can ask your question soon. You can get your answer. You can return. Return to where you belong. Return to where you are wanted. Return to where you are needed. Do you remember where that is? You have a home. You had a home.

Time here isn’t the same. Don’t panic. You’re not allowed. Time here is different. You don’t know how long it’s been. You never will. You can, once you return. Maybe. If there is still a place for you to return to. If there still is a you that can return. Don’t panic. You exist. Here and now. You exist.

And in the future? You ask. Such questions do not need to be considered. There is no such thing as future. Not here. No such thing as the past. Only the present. One foot in front of the other. This is where you exist. This is where you are. This is who you are.

Keep walking. You’re almost there. Don’t look back. You’re not alone. Remember. Remember what you need to ask. Do not say it out loud. You cannot. Speaking here is forbidden. Not that you can anyways. It was a precaution. You have no voice box. It’s alright. You don’t need it.

The light is so bright now. Almost blinding. But don’t worry. You won’t be blinded by this light. You can’t be. You don’t have eyes. You don’t need them. The deeper into the cave you get the more dangerous it is. This is for your safety. You don’t want to disturb the residents. You are almost there. Keep going. It will all be worth it in the end.

You keep walking. One step then the next. The light is still seared into your brain. Don’t panic. It will be relieved soon. When you ask your question. When you get your answer. Do you remember what you came here for? Keep it with you. Hold it close.

The cave hasn’t changed shape. Since you can’t see it. Don’t worry. Just keep walking. Your feet will guide you. Step as you always have been. Can you feel it? Footprints, perfectly placed. Just for you to step. A path made just for you. A gift, if you will. Keep following it. You’ll reach soon.

You’re almost there. You keep walking. You’re in a cave you have been to before. It seems familiar. It holds all your unease. You want to turn back. You can’t. Your feet are taking you forward. You have no choice. There are footsteps in place for you. You will follow them. Don’t make a sound. There’s someone in front of you. They seem familiar. Don’t ask any questions. You’re not allowed.

- C.